Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
