well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
