Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
