i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
