census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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