I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
