WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
