I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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