i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
