dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
