New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
