When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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