Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
