I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
