My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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