Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
