i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
