this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize