you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
