That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
