I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
