Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
