mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
