there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
