I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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