They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
