my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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