I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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