pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
