Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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