it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
