He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize