ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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