Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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