DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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