i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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