would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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