A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
