U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my shit smells like andre
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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