ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
