you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
