Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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