One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
