i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
