Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
