I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
be right there i have to get my cape
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
