Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
