I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I just sharted jello shots
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
