When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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