I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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