U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
