I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize