Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
