Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
