My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
