Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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