i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
