So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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