i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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