people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
