I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
