tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
