I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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