..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
