Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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