You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
