beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize