I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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