i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
