That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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