Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
