Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
