He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
