Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love you. Go after that dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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