Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's rum buckets o'clock
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
