bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just cropdusted the office
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize